Closure

The lessons that are learned from an abuser are lessons that you should never have had to learn.

People who abuse are swimming in their own vast ocean of hurt and it's important to know that they will not get out of that ocean unless they choose to help themselves. It's tempting to think that you're a reason they would choose to. The truth is, most individuals need help. Not from you - they're not broken baby birds that you can fix. It's their responsibility to curb their unhealthy behavior by seeking professional help.

If their pride gets in the way, that's not your fault or something you are obligated to tolerate. Even if you had sex with them. Even if you're dating them. Even if you love them. Your self esteem and right to your own happiness is worth just as much as theirs.

My abuser is still someone's baby boy, just like I am my parents' baby girl. I haven't forgiven him, and I don't know if I will be able to.

After my case was rejected by the California DDA, I briefly considered my own options. I looked into the possibility of writing my abuser's upper management and informing them of what sort of people they employ.

A lawyer quickly dissuaded me of this inclination, warning me that regardless of my truth, I could be accused of defamation.

I bypassed the opportunity to file a civil lawsuit because I knew his money wouldn't change anything. After he had secured an attorney, his silence gave me little supporting evidence to file a restraining order. I strongly felt that he would have been petty enough to counter-file against me.

There really is no legal or even advisable eye-for-an-eye option with these cases. I can't picture feeling inclined to put away photographic or video evidence of abuse from someone I love, particularly while still in denial. That's the real Catch-22. Even if I had been able to bring my case to court and win, that wouldn't make anything better in my eyes other than a fleeting feeling of validation.